Friday, July 8, 2011

Why do we always seem to feel stupid?

Have you ever noticed how often we seem to feel stupid, embarrassed or
that we have done something wrong?

It seems no matter how hard we try, it is just not good enough.

Our parents what more for us, or friends just want us to be happy, our
partners what more for us..... seems like a nice thought, all these
people caring but it translates to my life is not enough just the way
it is.

Oh yes, our parent's job is to prepare us for this world and then it
is up to us to take over however we usually take the critical voice
and only move that one forward, forgetting our parents also gave us
encouragement, love and support, we need to have those thoughts too.

Our friends while wanting us to be happy often allude to their
thinking we are not happy enough already. Yes, it may be due to our
incessant b*tching and complaining to them, but isn't that what
friends are for? Yes, our friends are to be a sounding board,
offering advice when asked but not assuming we need it. Find friend
who can do this for you so they enhance your life rather than add to
the sense of feeling stupid or not good enough. Also become that kind
of a friend yourself, we are not responsible for our friends even if
they want us to be.

Our partners, bless their souls, so often are threatened when we are
feeling off deciding we need fixing. We don't. If you think you need
fixing then your partner will feel responsible for you and parent
you. You will then resent your partner for trying to control you
blaming them for treating you like you don't know what you are doing,
even though you put them in that position.

A partner who choses to try and fix (rather than just giving hugs and
kisses knowing this will pass) will decide he/she must always fix
things and is not able to have a bad day themselves. This will result
in controlling behavior and eventually resentment as you will feel you
are doing too much and yet you took it on by choice.

So is it any wonder we always think we are doing it wrong? Is it any
wonder we are always feeling stupid, like we are missing something.....

Even our society has it set up so we can never, ever succeed. We are
born being taught to go into debt now, (before we even have cash we
are 'expected to own a home, a car, be married then have kids!) but
hey, we can get credit..... lol....

We are told we aren't skinny enough, don't have enough faith, are
killing the planet.... we are told we are the solution to everything,
we are responsible for everybody and yet we have NO idea how to take
care of our own little world in our minds.

No, this is one thing left out in this society. All the spiritual
stuff our there tells us we are never in the place we are meant to
be. New age says we are always learning making it sound like we will
never be in a place where we know enough, and yet we are born perfect,
we die perfect and the only thing we need to do is experience this
life. Yes, experience. Sure we will observe our life and we will use
experiences to notice new things in the next experience, but we are
enough, we don't need to learn to be more, we need to experience the
moments we have..... it's all about the experience of life and
tweeking it through more experience.

See? You are not stupid :) I am not stupid. Nobody is! There is no
need to feel embarrassed because you 'think' you did not live up to
someone's expectations, even if they were your own. We need to get in
our corners and become our own cheering section.

How we usually handle these situations now....

"Gosh I feel like an idiot" voice to answer self "Your are an idiot, I
can't believe you did that!!!!!!

Normal next action.... call friend "Oh gosh am I ever stupid, I can't
believe I did that!!!!" Friend, "OMG!! Really? You did that? That's
horrible!? Tell me more! (and now the wallowing will commence with
normally no solution or resolution in sight but a great b*tch session
usually ending up with you mad or feeling more stupid but usually not
making you feel better)

Normal third course of action, stupidity won't be forgotten and we
will hold onto it until we can tell our partner. Hopefully by this
time you can laugh but most of the time we are still feeling
embarrassed, so it will look like this "Honey you should see what
happened today! I just feel stupid! I can't believe this happened"
and often we ask again "I don't know what to do"

Maybe there is another way........

Gosh I feel like an idiot ~ balancing self thought ~ I hear you, I
know you do but I am proud of you (then ignore your ego trying to tear
you down more or just keeping thinking both negative and positive,
remember we can do both!

Call to friend..... Qualify why you are calling and what you need.
Ask for what you need, trust your friend to provide it. "I just feel
stupid today and want to hang around you. I figure we could go for
lunch. Mind if I b*tch for a bit? Then I promise we can just visit,
I want to hear how you are too." Then when you see your friend tell
her/him what is bothering you only asking for advice if you really
feel you need it, friends ~ don't offer advice unless you ask ~ do you
want my opinion. A possible friend answer could be ~ "I hear you!! I
have done the same thing" (note to friends ~ just listen. Note to you
who is calling friend.... do not ask for advice unless you want it and
note to both of you, just because you give/receive advice does not
mean you have to take it and if not taken don't be mad at your friend"

Partners ~ Again, qualify what you need from them."honey I had a bad
day, I need a hug" Before they come home, or you get home, decide
what you need from them. Remember, they may have had a bad day too and
your day does not take precedence over theirs. So what do you need?
Do you need to b*tch more? or do you just wanna short update then
enjoy the evening. Honestly think about it. How much time have you
spent feeling stupid about a situation which lasted seconds or was
only a feeling..... so maybe a fabulous hug from someone who is great
makes sense and maybe you realize you already feel better.

Yes, most of the time when we are feeling stupid it is us who then
take it and run with it. Remember we seem to be trained that way, so
the next time you feel you let someone down, let yourself down, did
not live up to expectations, made a mistake at work hurt someone's
feelings, had a fight with someone, yelled at your kid, heard what
someone said behind your back or just are plain having a bad day stop
for a moment....

Regardless of actions you still love you so tell yourself that. You
are allowed to not like your actions or the actions of others but
don't forget the love you still carry for you and those around you.
It is a thought.

Remember the words I am sorry. Yes, had to say for sure especially to
ourselves. I am sorry I hurt you does not mean you are right and I am
now wrong. Why do we go around thinking sorry means someone wins! If
you are fighting or feeling uncomfortable, trust me, no one is
winning. Don't feel stupid apologize to you (for calling you stupid)
and extend an apology if need be to who you feel you might have hurt.
(the reason you are feeling stupid is because you think you did
something wrong so find a solution or give yourself permission not be
be perfect!)

Yes, being perfect. Now here is the clincher. You must take the time
to realize you will NEVER know everything, you will never be the best
and you will never ever live up to everyone's expectations, so you
must decide..... will you go through life being proud of the life you
are living or will you decide others opinions of you are more
important resulting in shame?

We all want to feel proud, so tell yourself this everyday ~ I love
you, I am proud of you, I am there for you, I believe in you, to me
you are perfect, you are beautiful, thank you for living this life
with me, I love my life, I am so grateful for what I have, I am so
proud of you for achieving this, I am so grateful for our friends, ~
yes, I am serious :) Talk to you like you are your own best friend.
You are the best "you" you have each and everyday. You are simple
perfection within each moment of life. Don't decide your past and
imagined future form the moment you are living in now, they don't,
your thoughts do.

So let your ego b*tch, let your mouth run wild and your head call you
stupid. Let your friends be there for you and ask for hugs when
needed and most of all remember, add in the loving thoughts you
deserve from the source always available no matter the time, you. You
are, and always will be, the only one who can make you feel like you
belong in a world where none of us seem to.

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