Sunday, September 15, 2013

Society has got this one wrong ~ self focus is NOT selfish

"I do everything for those I love. I love to help"

These words are suppose to make us nice people but what these words
really do is create resentment when we live serving all those around
us while waiting for someone to treat us the way we are treating the.

The huge myth is that nice people, humble people, do nothing for
themselves and everything for others.
If you truly wish to be someone who cares for those around you then
you cannot run double standards treating yourself less than those you
treat around you. If you do this, you will empty your well, become
exhausted, and then often resentful as you watch yourself do nice
things and everything for others while no one does anything for you.

Assertive and self assured people have learned they have to ask
themselves what they need, provide them and keep doing so BEFORE they
provide those things to others.

There are many people in life who do not wish to take care of
themselves mentally (or physically or financially) and there are so
many 'nice people' ready to stand in and 'help'. This is not help and
this action is selfish. When we help others thinking they are unable
to do it for themselves we are being selfish. Somehow we have given
ourselves the belief that the other person 'NEEDS' us, and this feeds
are ego, so there for it is selfish. Yes, this is the exact opposite
as we have been taught.

If you give yourself everything you need (monetary, mentally,
physically) you will have the overflow to give to others, and you will
not need to think "should I?" or "I don't want to but I know I
should?" anymore for you will know, you can give without being
exhausted, resentful or broke. You will realize That just running out
and agreeing the person needs help often becomes enabling and we all
know we would rather be empowered (except for the person used to
everything being done for them....)

Same with the advice we give, all our friends and family is doing what
is best for them. Careful, even when asked what you say... or ask for
that matter. Our opinions should empower our partner, friends or
family to find their own way, their way with just a different view if
asked for by us. Our words should not confuse them nor ever come from
a condescending place. We are all equal.

And because we are all equal is why we do not NEED each other, but it
is so nice to HAVE each other. Having is a choice, needing comes from
a place of ego and fear. All we need is always provided and there for
us, what we need is just in our minds and when another person jumps in
or feels obligated to fulfill that need, that person needs to realize
this is an action of ego, not charity.

Yes, we can give but when we give of our overflow we actually HAVE the
money to give (no personal debt or needing groceries ourselves), time
(we are already giving time needed to ourselves, family, and friends).

Look at you. You gorgeous, incredible, successful human being. Look
in the mirror and see what a great job you have done, yes, you. Do
for you what you do for your friends everyday, you've had enough
practice so I guess you already know how to right? You know all the
wonderful things you say to your friends, kids and family..... how
proud you are of them? I think you should say those words to you, and
feel proud of yourself too. No ore double standards, no treating
others better than you treat yourself... okay?

Take the time to observe your life, just think about it okay? Observe
you running, feeling out of sorts, never feeling you have enough time
or money, along with the thoughts you are thinking while all this is
happening. Are you being mean to you, telling you to hurry up, that
you are stupid, that you do everything wrong? Just observe and take
the time to hear what you are thinking.

Then add one (yes, only one) thought. I am enough or I am proud of
you or everything is right in my life.

Then think that thought over and over and over while your ego tries to
mentally obliterate you and your life seems to want to swallow you up!

Over time, and through observation (remembering it took you years to
get to where you are now) keep showing yourself what is out of balance
and find solutions that will aid you. There are solutions, but you
have to allow yourself to not decide what will do wrong before you
even try them and you will have to realize that fulfilling you does
and will always allow you to help, if need be and realize when to step
back and you will always have what is needed in order to give that
help if and when it is necessary and even better, you will have now
learned who you want in your life, what you want in your life and that
YOU can also ask for help from those you 'trust' with this incredible

We are all equal, we all are enough..... just the way we are, and
things can always only get better :D