This is the first chapter of my published book which I have now decided to post for you to print off for personal use. I will put my entire book on my blog for you to download and print for *personal use only* please respect this fact. Know that only one or two people have finished this first chapter on their own. This book is meant to be done in sequence and not just used as reference. If you choose to work the book you will learn how the only thing you need and will ever need is you and you will also learn what you might wish to add to your life here and there KNOWING you don't need it at all. This is my gift to you, I hope it teaches you how you that you are your only teacher, and already perfect, whole and complete.
Chapter One ~ Journey to the Self - Through Reality Perception
The first thing you must realize is you are in full control of your life. Your mind has taught you many things in your lifetime such as, what you fear, what you like, what you hate, and so on. These opinions have developed in different phases and ages of your life. You have grown up and out of the habits, beliefs and fears but you have not challenged or questioned them again. Rather you state them as “I have always been this way or done this thing”. When in fact all behaviors are learned and thus are not part of your integral being or spirit.
Your integral being is totally different than your habits; actions or reactions you choose to exhibit. You, not your past, are responsible for the way you believe you are. You choose your thoughts and perception of your life as it happens. To accept your life, habits and self, assuming you have no other option, locks you into a world that may no longer suit. How you perceive your life creates the reality you live in.
Few people choose to find their true likes and dislikes within their changing world. Nobody is the same day after day or year after year. So where do you look for you? You look in.
Observe the way you think. What thoughts run through your head everyday? What tones of voice do you speak to yourself in? What names do you call yourself? Look at your inner dialogue this dialogue is often so loud we cannot hear our inner knowing.
Take time and notice thoughts that jump into your head. Do you use the words ‘stupid’ or ‘alone’? The way you speak to yourself would you allow anyone else too or would that sound to disrespectful? Do you think your life is terrible? Do your thoughts justify the way you act when you are not proud of your actions? Changing the way you treat you shifts everything else in your life. It is not the external treatment I am speaking of, it is the way you think. It will take time and practice to stop being abusive to you. Remember, you must respect yourself if you wish others to do so. Begin the process by pondering a dream life. This allows your mind to open to other possibilities. Here are some points to ponder and then answer yes or no, not the correct answer but what you want to answer.
If I could I would ……
Live forever? Yes or no?
Be rich? How rich?
Be married? (Whether you are or not.)
Live in a city or the country?
Have a big or small house?
Live alone or with family?
Just open your mind and see what comes out, remembering to answer for you, not for someone else. No need to share your answers, this work is for you.
Most of us do not really know ourselves let alone like ourselves. It is time to get to know you with patience and honesty. While you are doing these exercises focus on them. Keep yourself away from all distraction giving you the time you deserve. Take a deep breath and focus, envision yourself the way you see you, not as others do or how you want them too but how you do, good or bad. Use a full-length mirror if you need to. Be brave enough to look at yourself. Look at your hair, eyes, nose and mouth. See your neck, shoulders and arms. Look at your entire body objectively (without judgment), with or without clothes.
Society has taught us (and we believe it) that we are imperfect. Think about this, "How can you be imperfect?" You are the only ‘you’ on this planet! There is no other “you” to compare yourself to, so how can you be imperfect?
"Well, I don't like the way I look!" This statement is known to all of us. It seems everybody has something they want to change about themselves. There is a simple solution. If you don't like it, change it. If you can't change it, accept it but remember, changing your perception changes your outlook.
The ego will always judge. As humans we are judgmental, judging everyone and everything. Positive thought has been taught for decades but those who claim to ‘think positively’ often are not being true to themselves. The truth is we need BOTH positive and negative (ego) thoughts. One is not good and the other bad. The ego is needed from the ages of 2 – about 20 years. The ego enables us to become individuals and separate from our parents. If you notice, a two year old and a teenager sound the same when they are angry. The ego is not something you want to get rid of, it is a part of you, but you do need to learn how to live with it and not have it to continue to rule your reality. Once you balance the voice of ego by adding in another ideal, you will find a better way to communicate with yourself and those around you. You will become accepting of you and a society that have seemed unkind.
How can anyone be perfect in a society teaching imperfection? Each moment you do your best with the knowledge you have at that time, therefore in that moment you are ‘perfect’. There is no right or wrong in the moment there is only you doing your best. Hindsight is always 20/20 and we are supposed to learn from situations. You may decide later your previous actions were wrong and choose guilt and not see the gift/lesson of the moment. Even when situations are hard or painful experiences, they are still gifts. Everything happens for a reason, even the small ones. Therefore there is no imperfect, only perfect. It is up to you to perceive this in your life. Perfection is not a state of ego, rather a state of humility and acceptance. It starts with you. Love yourself unconditionally while accepting your life as perfect and everything else will fall into place.
Remember, you will not always have good days. You will not always feel grateful nor feel you are learning and making progress in your life. This is part of being human. We are here to experience ALL human emotions, not just joy but the full range. The objective of life is to be grateful for what we have and accept the life we are living. Acceptance + Gratitude = Faith.
Know you are allowed to be angry at what you believe in. You will NOT be struck down nor left because you are upset. You are allowed to say, “I don’t understand why this is happening!” “I don’t like this!” “I want this experience to STOP!” What created us unconditionally loving, there is no hell, sin, devil or repercussions (except for the hell you put yourself through) for your actions. You will not be left nor judged. Your life is your gift of human experience, your death, your gift to go home. You asked for the experiences you are having, somewhere you know this but have forgotten how to live within them.
You are spirit before you come to earth. Once born you are BOTH human and spirit. You spent since the age of 2 developing your ego and have forgotten spirit. For some reason we though spirit was found in dogma, but have learned that dogma created fear thus was not written for spirit. Someone else cannot teach you how to ‘become’ spiritual it is a part of you. Spirit knows what it needs to know, it is perceptive (psychic) when it needs to be, can speak to those who have passed, can channel information and most of all is not only for a few, it is for all of us as we are all connected and loved.
Now back to the mirror. Look at external self, really look. Look at your unique beauty, there is no one else who looks like you here.
"People don't like me or accept me!" Your ego may retaliate but you can still like you while the ego judges you, if you do not like you neither can another. We do not attract things we don’t think we deserve. If we believe we are not loveable, we will not let anyone truly love us. Self-love and acceptance must come before all else.
The next exercise is to aid you to be honest in how you see yourself. Honesty is important here. This is between you and yourself. You cannot do this exercise wrong, there are no mistakes, and you will always do your best, that’s just the way it is. Do not think as you do the exercise just write. You deserve to learn about you and teach you. Take the time you deserve to do this for yourself.
Week One - Part 1
Read the statements and write down your immediate thought reactions to these statements. There are no appropriate answers thus no matter how ‘negative’ your response, it is your response for now and enables you to understand yourself better. Be honest, the more honest you are with yourself, the more you will teach yourself. The idea here is to show you the perception you currently have of yourself, and how to evolve the life and perceptions you have now.
I have perfect hair - I hate my hair, it's long and straggly and never looks good.
I have perfect hair
I have wonderful ears
I have beautiful skin
I love my face
I adore my nose
My arms are beautiful
My chest is perfect
I have the perfect hands
I have the most beautiful nails
I even love my knuckles!
My stomach is the most gorgeous stomach I've ever seen!
My behind! Yes, that's perfect too!
My genitals are gorgeous!
My thighs - perfection! My legs are just divine!
My ankles just wonderful too!
My feet, well they are the cutest!
After you do this part continue on with part two if you have time, or do it in the next few days. Part two is good to do over and over as it allows ourselves not to be locked into one way of imagining ourselves.
In the next exercise write down what you would change (if anything) with each body part. Start with your hair, write down what color you would like, what style – this is an excise in imagination, it does not mean because you thought it you have to run out and do it (or you are not being true to yourself.) This is just to open your mind to possibilities and other ways to perceive your external self. Remember, not worrying about what other people want or what you have to look like for your job. Simply imagine and describe this image of you. Open your mind and have fun while being honest to you!
StyleWhat would I try if I could? (What's stopping you?)
Do I want to wear make up?
Tweeze my eyebrows?Face life, Botox, Restelyn, or other things to ‘turn back time’? How do I want to wear my beard, sideburns or moustache?
Ears - do I wear earrings? How many? Stretch my lobes?Neck – am I wearing necklaces? Would I like a neck lift?
Chest - large or small, bra or no bra, muscular or not, hair or no hair, implants or reduction?Stomach – flat, round, six-pack or maybe pregnant!
Behind - full and voluptuous, muscular, round?
Legs – thin, muscular, full hair, hair removal or both?
Ankles – bracelets?Feet - long nails, short nails, maybe even rings!
Work to expand your mind to see what this dream body looks like? Spend a few days and describe how you see this imaginary you. No matter your age, your family or your friends, describe this you.Extra things I see on this unique and beautiful me
After you have envisioned your body without clothes, imagine what you would like to wear. Not what you have to wear but what you would wear if you could. Let your imagination run and making this experience fun! If you feel pressured or ill at ease put the exercise down and pick up again tomorrow. There are no right or wrong answers! The idea of this exercise is to aid you in finding a happy medium of what you want to wear, blended with living in the society you have chosen to live in. You can live your life your way without rebelling against anything. Acceptance is the only way, thus getting to know you will learn to open and accept your wants needs and desires. This also aids us to see how much we may be working to fit in rather than blending what we love (and can afford) rather than just buying things that are considered in style.
Clothing - "Hmmm. What would I wear if I could wear anything? Maybe I'd wear nothing!" Dresses – (yes, even if you're a guy) - remember this exercise has nothing to do with society's judgments or views! Yes? What do they look like? What colors? Slip or no slip? Nylons or bare legs?
Skirts?-Colors,LengthsPants, dress pants, high waist, low waist?
Jackets?What about my shoes? How many pairs would I own? What styles? Why?
Are my clothes natural fibers - cotton, wool, silk, (leather) or are they synthetic? Which do I prefer? Are my clothes hand made, local, or mass-produced and store bought? (Remember there are no right or wrong answers. Nor do you have to change what you are currently doing, this exercise is being done to be more aware of how you feel inside and thus accept what you are doing, not necessarily change it at this time, but evolve how you see yourself and your actions)
Do I have one style or many? You may have all these images flashing through your mind. Don’t be overwhelmed or alarmed, you are not doing anything wrong now, nor do you need to change anything. Just be aware of other possibilities and that is all. Smile and take a deep breath and realize you are exploring a new freedom. Describe your style of dressing if you could wear anything?
Take what you have learned about you and put it all together. Write down what you look like in detail in this imaginary place. Describe what you are wearing and why these clothes suit the real you! Seeing yourself as perfect in this exercise will allow you to see your potential as well as understand that you are already where you need to be right now.
Using this exercise to bring love and acceptance to what you do not like will give you the power to change and evolve within to perceive your outward appearance differently now. Take the time to realize people see you beautiful and unique already. Look through another’s eyes when you have trouble seeing you through your own.
Allow evolution to slowly enter your life, allowing and accepting the changes it may bring. If you see longhair then grow it over time. If you see short hair cut it when you are ready. If you see yourself as overweight or heavier than what you are, regardless of what you eat, you will gain or not lose weight. You are what you believe you are, changing this internal believe will change your external as well. Accept yourself now, as you are, love yourself and know evolution is constant and you will be only as beautiful and perfect as you believe you are.
My Description of Me
Written for me, by me
Look outward at the rest of your life. What have you always dreamed of doing? For fun, hobbies, pastimes, sports, for work or family? What are you not doing that you wanted to be and why is this? Pay attention to the sources of resentment and what keeps you in a state of blame, discontentment and victimization. This exercise is to help you to see that it is not those around you, nor your past that is making your life seem drab or unhappy thus hopefully showing you other options of how to view the life you are already living while opening your mind to allowing your life to evolve.
In this exercise imagine you are on your own, no husband, no wife, and no kids, there is no one but you. Do not feel guilty, you are not wishing for the life you have to go away, you are working on taking responsibility for your own place in the life you are living. See yourself standing alone. Write things you want to do, not things you do for others or things you think you should do as this is why we often do the things we do, for our kids or family, that breeds resentment when they were things we didn’t want to do.
For this exercise, money is no object and your health is immaculate. Write down the following things. Be honest and don't rush. This is an important part of learning about you and your reasons for what you do in life now.
My job - What would I do? Would I own the business? What type of business? Would I work at all? If not, what would I do? Remember money is no object. (It's okay to put "I want to be a Mom, but add what else you'd be doing.) It is also okay to like what you are doing right now, this is not to change what you are doing, just open up to other possibilities of what you might what to do in the future.
Also note how long you would like to work at each, we live a lifetime, so list all the things you could see yourself doing.
My recreation – Do you want to travel?
Where would I go?
What do I want to do? Why do I want to go there?What other countries do I want to live in?
What else do I want to do? How do I see my daily life? How many hours do I work? What else do I do? What do I want to do for fun and recreation? Work out and exercise? What type? How often? Go fishing? Camping? Hotels? Road trips? Watch movies, or read a book? Meditate? When? How often? What does my free time look like? Anything else I would like to add about the way I see myself living daily life?
My home ~ Describe each room and why it's there. How does my home feel? Are there windows? What's in my back yard?
What vehicles do I own - why I have or want them; maybe I have pedal bikes, a moped, a hybrid, horses or no vehicle at all?
What do I eat? Why do I eat this way? Remember you can eat anything you want. Would I import it, grow it myself or have a personal gardener?
Part 6 (this is the part you will want to do over and over)
For this final exercise bring all your notes together and visualize them all actually happening. Does it feel good? Are you being dishonest or still following society? Thanks to the beauty of this exercise you have the freedom to change anything you have written in any of your descriptions. Most people redo their lists as it takes time to wrap your head around having so many choices. Always remember to ask yourself, “If I could do anything, what would I do?” Do not get down on yourself; stay objective, honest and open. You are perfect here and now doing the best you can. You are only speculating the possibilities of your life.
When you are ready, write a full description of your daily life, and future dreams.
Doing descriptions opens your mind aiding you to understand the reality you create through your thoughts and perception. Taking this process one step further, your thought perception of your reality (what you think it is) becomes your truth. If you think you are having a bad day, you are, if you think ‘yes, this day is good’ even though everything seems to be going wrong, your day will not seem so bad even though the only thing different is the way you are thinking and not the actual events.
In week one you saw yourself, another side of you externally and what you may wish for. I this week, we will look at the one thing you do control which is the way you think. If you are a vengeful, spiteful person, you will always feel someone is out to get you. If you grateful for the life you are living, you will see each moment (no matter how painful) as a gift of life experience, not a punishment. You will move away from victim mentality, martyrdom and stop seeing others as needy.
You may say, "You hurt me.” “You made me.” “I can't control myself” and choose to feel hurt, blaming others, while continuing to put those people in your life, you think you are a victim, yet you chose these people and wanting them to change. There are no victims or survivors. There are only experiences creating pieces to form the mosaic of your life. ‘All experiences are relative’ meaning, no person is worse or better off. We are all equal and we all have a story. When we perceive people as victims in need of saving we are disempowering them in our minds. We decide we know better than God and the Universe stating to ourselves, their situation is bad. Thus we must go to their rescue. Oh how the ego convinces us that it is okay to pity, and rescue while forgetting to respect the other person’s life. If we are meant to help someone else it will be done without thought, guilt, righteousness or pity. If you are giving to charity because you think it makes you a ‘nice’ person, you are wrong. Maybe that is what society says, but why are you giving thinking these people are not being taken care of also with out your help, how egotistical of us. The universe does not need our help. By acting like we must save others we take ourselves out of the Universal consciousness and then serve no one. When we believe and I mean, truly believe, all people are equal, all experiences relative and remain thankful for your life, you then effect Universal consciousness. Yes, this means living with faith, true faith, not religion but gratitude and acceptance for ALL situations in other’s and your own lives.
If you decide if you see life for experience it is. You choose to see heaven not hell. Only you can decide to love and accept yourself, others and your life experiences. Only you decide what you believe in and think.
Stop letting society, other people's opinions, and belief systems control you what you do and think. Don’t rebel or ‘push against the river’ flow harmoniously in the society you have chosen. We are ‘right’ for ourselves. Choose to be content for this is the society you have chosen. Stop deciding others need to change or ‘get it’. Your way is not better than theirs. From religion, fashion, eating habits, home décor, our cars and finances, we are doing our best living the life experience we have chosen. Wanting to change another’s beliefs, needing to have others think you are ‘perfect, while living up to some imagined standard is also your choice, you are not a victim, it is your choice to think this way. Find contentment for yourself and know you do not have the right to judge or tell others else what they need to change. This includes you. You can choose not to judge yourself, disrespect your past experiences or live with regret and guilt. (Acceptance + Gratitude = Faith ~ in yourself, your life, others and your universe)
If someone’s action makes you feel uncomfortable, realize you only notice that trait because you often have it in yourself. Like it or not, you have it in order to see it in another. See this as a gift in knowing how NOT to act or think.
Think of those you admire, famous or around you everyday. Notice the qualities you admire. Again, you recognize traits you already have. Do not underestimate you. Watch people learning from their ideas taking what may work for you. Listen, asking those you trust for their opinions or advice ~ know you already have your answers somewhere within you. From some learn wonderful ideas to add to your own perception of reality, while learning from others what won’t work for you. Observe without with out verbal debate or competition. Your ego and thoughts will always be thinking and judging, that is your ego. Ego’s behavior is not wrong but don’t let it rule yours. Know if you feel uncomfortable or just not right LEAVE that place or person with a smile, no judgment, (your ego will always judge) no explanation or guilt. It is your right to leave. Live your life experiencing the moment being true to you.
When you accept your life experiences, you will see and feel beauty and contentment even in the face of uncomfortable and painful situations. Difficult days will be manageable, as you allow yourself to feel the uncomfortable emotions, while still accepting them (Journey to the Self & Bad Day cds really help along with the list of 10 things I love) the goal is not to be happy. Happiness is fleeting contentment is permanent.
How do you establish contentment? You change the volume of the ego by adding in self-supportive thoughts. Right now your ego rants, being so loud it is the only voice you hear. The ego yells at you, calls you down, or deciding you are a victim of your life experiences. By adding in the voice of self-support, you can create balance in your mind. These thoughts used to be called positive thought, with the theory to get rid of negative thought. That theory did not work. The ego is important. It allows us to become mature adults, separate from our parents and get on our own. Notice the ego always sounds like a 2 year old or disgruntled teenager. We deserve to sound like an adult once we become one. For this we need balance. Adding another thought process creates balance and a broader view of our experiences, life and others. Once we have balance, the two voices become like the sound of a fridge or ticking clock, this enables us to hear the knowledge beyond that.
Adding the thought takes time as up until this point the ego is the voice you have perfected, but it will not take the same time to develop a self supporting train of thought. We are spirit having a brief human experience, we know how to support and believe in ourselves, we know we are perfect; we just have to learn to put it into conscious thought.
When small, we allowed our ‘knowing self’ to guide us as we lived by our spirit. As we grew and separate ourselves from our parents becoming individuals our ego became very useful. Now as adults on our own the ego still leads us like children? This thought, voice and solutions sound like a two-year-old most of the time. Ever watch two people fighting? Notice they look like little kids. Pay special attention to politicians and those debating or defending religion. Why choose to act or think like this? We didn’t make the correlation. (No right or wrong) Society tells us we must be driven, filled with ego, argue like a two year old and push our way through life to survive. We think we must be hard on ourselves in order to push ourselves further, obviously creating a feeling of constant failure and loss. The voice of the ego will always be in your life. It is a part of you and you can learn to talk to it rather than act out every day. Totally ridding you of ‘negative’ or ego thinking would be like cutting off your arm to become whole. You are whole, perfect and complete. You have done your best at all times and are not in need of fixing, healing or to be lead. Your ego and all your life experiences are a part of you. Think of the balance of ego and positive thought like positive and negative energy flow of a battery that work together. Live with your ego intact by allowing yourself to think, “I hear you.” The ego does not feel heard because we do not listen to ourselves. When listening to a child they feel vindicated. Your ego is like a child. It never matures any further. Allow the ego to be the child that feels loved, heard and accepted. Do not allow it to run your life, as you would not take direction from a 2 year old or teenager. Achieve this by adding thoughts, not taking them away or trying to stop them. Choose to evolve your thinking by allowing your ego to rant and rave, not allowing it to be the only voice you hear or the voice you follow. Life is in a constant state of evolution, learning and experiencing. That is living. We will never know everything there is to know and we are not meant to. We are meant to get to know us and be content with life experiences to live with no regrets is to live.
Evolving your thoughts to be self-supportive in a society that does not nurture self-responsibility. "Where do I begin?" By learning 'who you are' during last week’s exercise opened your mind to possibilities surrounding you preparing your mind to evolve it’s thoughts.
Thoughts create this life experience, or your ‘reality perception’ so what do you think? Your thoughts are important but we often no longer even hear what we are saying to ourselves because we are so used to them. For the next few days jot down how you talk to yourself with in your thoughts. Observe without judgment then write down exactly how you speak to yourself during daily life. How often do you call yourself stupid? How about thinking you are a failure or not good enough? How often are you complimentary or supportive, actually believing it? Track you thoughts for the next couple day writing down 5 reoccurring thoughts. Be honest.
Example- I look fat. I am late. The house is not clean enough.
5. Go back and write beside each one how many times you thought it.
Example - I look fat – 10xs. I am late. – 7xs. House -2xs.
We believe what we think projecting it onto our perception of external reality. We think our emotions control our thoughts but emotions are not thoughts. Thoughts evoke emotion and emotion provokes thoughts. You do not need to think to create true tears, anger or laughter. “I’m going to cry” no, you just cry. We use emotion to justify external inappropriate reactions, good excuse but not true, emotion is not thought and thoughts will understand emotion turning it into the gift it is through observation. “My feelings are thoughts” Yes, they are but you can still add thoughts to your emotions and ego, bringing balance and understanding to them. Thoughts you add create your external perception of the experience and reality. Thoughts invade what you are observing and thus create the perception of your reality. Listen to what you are thinking right now. Are your thoughts of what you "should" be doing or what you "need" to do? How you are questioning what you are reading? Of the fight you had with a friend? How are you feeling? Are you feeling happy, sad, mad, lonely or maybe disappointed?
Think of something or some place that makes you very happy. From your past, present or just made up. Imagine it, smell the smells, see the vivid colors, hear the waves, or maybe birds. Involve your senses. The mind cannot tell made up thought from past memories. You can evoke emotions by imaging things that have never happened.
Some theories state what you think becomes your reality. For instance, if you wish someone harm, they could be harmed or you will get harmed. Now how is that possible?
It is normal to have a battle with your in your thoughts. Your ego loves control and drama and dislikes calming, relaxing thoughts of acceptance or self-respect. Your ego has convinced you thinking rapid thoughts and planning daily life are essential to live. This is not true.
My ego had me convinced if I did not stick to a rigid schedule my life would fall apart. My head was filled with worry and the expectations of others, not being good enough, fast enough, being on time or socially perfect.
Problem was I didn't think I was good enough - I believed others had to think this of me in order for me to be them. Funny how that works! I know all of you have been there too and often still are. The feeling is still often present in life and over time you learn it does not matter and there is no failure. You accept yourself and the life you are living in each second. Life used to seem so demanding, dramatic and overwhelming for me, I deserved a break and gave myself one. You can teach yourself what mental down time looks like to you. Then make your entire life experience a constant state of balance, and mental down time.
No one controls your thoughts but you, you must do the work learning how you think along with the reality you to perceive. If you are having a bad day and taking it out on everyone else you must realize you have no one to blame except yourself, you must take responsibility for your own thoughts, reality and reactions.
"Yes, but all these bad things happened to me!" This is a statement used on a regular basis! How sure are you the things happening are bad?
For example, you have been in a car accident causing you to lose your job, your boyfriend/girlfriend and put you in great pain. You are now able to do small things you didn't have the time for before the accident. Your life had changed because of the car accident. Now you in spite of that you may be married to a wonderful person and pursuing other interests. You must ask what was bad? People look so sorrowfully at the door that has just closed, not even noticing all the possibilities just opening. There are no victims here in life. No matter how bad the situation it is not happening ‘to you but for you’.
People can be content, filled with doom, gloom and drama without ever realizing they choose to see their life as difficult, never realizing everyone’s life is the same or just as ‘hard’. It is all relative to what we have experienced. No one is worse or better off. No matter how good or bad it may look to you, it is relative and the relativity changes from person to person, situation to situation. This is also why we can never judge another or their actions or choices. We are given what we can handle, never more. We all manage and can choose to see that, regardless of what you may be living through, it is a gift.
We all know at least one "wet blanket" person who blames life and others for everything. What do you do when you are hanging out with them? We choose to get right down there and wallow with them!! Or we try and fix them. Why do you do this? "Because, hey, I deserve to complain too! My life is just as bad as theirs! They think they have it so hard. I’ll show them my life is worse (or theirs is not so bad).” Can you believe we think like this!!! Or it is ‘I have your answers, you need my help ~ for we subconsciously feel we are not capable so neither are they. This dis-empowers us, and those around us.
Judging others to make you feel better, meanwhile you are calling yourself a failure. Take a look around you, look at the people. Watch the thoughts going through your mind. Most of us assume we are being judged, so we judge others or just feel inadequate. Strangers will spend maybe 30 seconds or less thinking about you - yes, 30 seconds. You think how long the period of time you judge a person for that is how long they will judge you for. The ego will always judge, it just will. So rather than trying to stop judging, simply be aware of it and work toward adding other thoughts that strengthen. This will bring balance to the ego and the ‘self’.
Look around and think how wonderful and special all of these people are. The last thing you will worry about is they are judging you; you will be too busy thinking of how fascinating those "strangers" are. Yes, your ego may be still spewing all sorts of things but with this balance you will find you can also accept others as they are. When you are just judging or blaming you cannot accept.
We do not like to be judged or disliked but many judge and dislike themselves. When you think of using respectful thought techniques, it might seem intimidating. Think of others you feel jealous of, ones that walk around accepting who they are and the choices they’ve made, while you are left thinking, “How come your life is so great?” You may worry they judge you, but they do not, for once we accept ourselves, and our choices, we accept others. Yes, the ego still judges, it always will, there in lies the balance and acceptance. Imbalances, creates fear, when fear races through our thoughts, judgments against others and us seem to be the only thoughts. Where you allow yourself to be okay with fear and judgment, not trying to control or change it, while adding in (not taking away thoughts or feelings) you will find you better flow and accept change while feeling uncertainty or fear. Did you know change is the only constant in the universe? You may think your days never change but as soon as a moment has passed it will never happen exactly that same way again.
Positive thought is not wiping out negative thought. Nor is it walking around happy all day or no longer having rough life situations, rather it is adding in self respecting thoughts to become content, having love for yourself and life while becoming one who blends into society rather than fighting it every step of the way. See you this way; we all have it as apart of us. We are born spirit first, thus we are already unconditionally loving, knowing and spiritual. We can have peace while we exist in our very short human experience. We are not blissfully happy all the time or trying to save the world. We are not verbally judgmental or think their way is the only way, we are learning life is many experiences that are meant to be experienced, no matter how painful or hard they may be, they are our gift for being human.
Where does one begin this path to respectful thinking? First you need to know only you can do this and you can only do this for yourself. Someone else cannot "save" you and you cannot "save" someone else (that is passive controlling behavior and ego based though). Thoughts of contentment and acceptance are gifts, given to yourself from you. Do not be disappointed as you learn this new ideology that others around you do not get excited over your experience. Remember, this is your life experience, validation is found within you and not from others. Yes, you may feel the need to see if you seem normal or if others have been through this, each journey is personal, allow it to be, yes, this process is normal. Please also remember people do not like unsolicited advice. You may think all these new things are just great for everyone else thus try to share your newfound knowledge, respect others, live by example rather than ‘talk’ and allow them to find their own way that is right for them.
Respectful self-talk is to add supportive thoughts to the judgmental, criticizing and controlling ones, as self-love and acceptance are not felt when only hurtful thoughts are present.
Learn to quiet your ego by adding thoughts of support, choose not think only the rough day at work, the kids, or your spouse, the bills or whatever else is dominating your thoughts, but add the beauty of what is also there or around you now.
You have an inner dialogue running through your thoughts daily. Most people are so accustomed to it they do not even pay attention to the words anymore. Unfortunately this dialogue is often abusive and negative. They are often words you learned or heard spoken to you by others. Now you choose to repeat over and over, usually adding to their intensity, as you have grown older.
You do not allow others to speak to you in a derogatory manner and yet you allow yourself to think the worst thoughts about you. You assume these thoughts will keep you ‘in check’ and behaving the way you think you should. You feel you deserve these thoughts for some reason. The truth is these thoughts create fears and insecurity. These thoughts create your reality. What reality have you chosen to create in your mind?
As you have been observing and listening to the way you speak to yourself and the comments make try and notice whose voice are they in? Do you hear your parents, an ex-spouse or teacher? What comments do you use to hurt or keep you in line?
Most of our ego’s weapons were said by someone or are a past assumption or believe of how we are or how others perceive us.
Note thoughts that pass through your mind. In week one you learned the main thoughts you have, now listen for voices from the past, things you really do believe, by observing how constant our thoughts are we learn how good we are at this thinking. Only then can we add the words we need to balance this thinking and evolve it. Do not judge your thoughts, creating guilt or shame. That is not needed here. Simply write down things you notice you are thinking and who’s voice they are in. This is not to blame that person, it is to realize you believe what they said and still do. Examples – I cannot do this and get it done the way they want it to be.
He/she never listens to me! Why can’t they just listen!
I hate when this happens! Why does this always happen to me!!!!
I wish I could just fade away or make this all stop! I just want to run away.
Thoughts I think
Read what you have written. Ponder what are other things to think. For example “You are so stupid!” You could add in the thought of, “I am doing the best I can.” Your ego may retort, “That is not your best” In the same fashion you wouldn’t argue with a two year old or teen argue, choose not to argue with your ego by simply thinking “I hear you”. We can get very hard on ourselves. Write a supportive comment beside the other comment for you to think.
Statement Answer to self by adding in another thought
I cannot do this or get it done right. “I love what I do.” Or “ I love my job.”
He/she never listens to me! No one listens. “I am heard.” Or “I love you.”
Why does this always happen to me!!!! “I am safe.” Or “Thank you.”
Make it all stop! I want to run away. “ I love my life.” Or “Everything is good in my world.”
I remind you again negative thought is not bad, nor are you trying to stop it or change it. You are adding in thoughts of support for balance to engage your spirit to create a new way to perceive your reality enabling you to appreciate you and your life experiences. This creates acceptance, enacting gratitude resulting in your personal faith and reality perception.
You may wish to think of affirmations that have nothing to do with the ego’s comment simply to give you something else to think about. Such as “I love you” “I am okay” “Life is perfect”
Affirmations are affirmative or ‘I am’ statements. These thoughts pick you up not put you down. By writing and thinking about other thoughts to add in with your ego thought, you will create balance.
On the next pages are examples of affirmations. There are many books of affirmations on the market today you may find inspiring or helpful. Affirmations can be read daily as you are evolving and balancing your ego’s thoughts. After a while you will find the thoughts come naturally as the ego’s thoughts do. Practice and find your other voice.
I am perfect, whole and beautiful!
I love and approve of myself.
I do what I do because I want to.
I am free.
I am at peace with those around me and myself.
I am forgiving.
I forgive myself.
Past is forgotten and accepted.
Here and now is experienced to the fullest.
I accept myself.
I love my body.
I am healthy, whole and complete.
My life is full of wealth. I am abundant.
My life is prosperous.
Money is a gift. Thank you.
I am enough. I have enough.
I believe in myself.
Food is a gift. Thank you.
All I eat is healthy.
All I see is made up of white light and love.
Gifts come to me daily.
I am thankful for all I have.
My home is my safe place.
My space is always safe.
Fear is only a perception of ego.
Loss is only a perception of ego.
Every thing happens in my life just for me.
All people are complete, whole and perfect, just like me.
I accept others as I accept myself.
I love others as I love myself.
Only I can harm me, others cannot unless I let them.
I think only what I choose to think.
I live the way I choose to live. Thank you.
I work at a job I love.
I am committed to unconditional love of myself.
I can have anger but not be angry.
I accept my emotions but do not let them control me.
I can say ‘I am angry’ and stay calm.
I cry and do not feel guilty.
I can say I am angry and not feel guilt.
I can be unhappy and still feel content.
I experience all my emotions, as they are my gift.
I do not act out my emotions to feel them.
I am unconditional love.
I accept you and not judge you as I love and accept myself.
I am a sexual being and I do not feel guilt.
I am not dirty for being sexual; I am perfect, whole and complete.
I love my body including my genitals.
I grow past old thoughts and ideas.
I am change myself because I want to.
There is no standard to live up to - I am ________! (Say your name.)
There is no ’right way’; there is my way and your way.
Everything happens exactly when it is supposed to.
My day flows, all happens exactly when it is meant to.
I let all things flow freely, through me.
I am a perfect channel of my Creator.
I am always kept safe and guided well.
I am complete because I believe I am.
I am a unique individual and therefore I am perfect.
I learn from all my experiences. They are gifts. Thank you.
Everyone in my life is there as a teacher.
I am always learning, changing and growing.
I do not fear change. Change excites me.
I am never blind, I can always see.
I am never deaf. I can always hear.
My feelings are very special and my own.
My life experiences are mine, to be shared only if I choose.
My body was created perfect and I accept it as still perfect.
I live life now.
The future cannot be lived in the here and now.
Beauty surrounds me and I am worthy of it.
Love surrounds me and I am worthy of it.
I move with competence and beauty.
I fit in everywhere I go - I am unique and special.
I love "love".
I am whole and I love and accept me.
I am content.
My body is getting stronger and healthier every day.
The past cannot harm me.
I trust the process of life.
I am never lonely for I always have me.
I am loved for I love me.
I do not need another to be complete.
Love comes from within.
Contentment is a state of mind.
Freedom is a state of mind.
Versatility comes with freedom.
Change allows for growth.
Men and women are perfect, equal and very special.
Partnerships are good for me.
I am safe and I can love.
Neither men nor women shall ever harm me unless I let them.
I do not need to tolerate any harmful action from anyone.
Zero tolerance of abusive action will not leave me lonely.
I deserve the best in a mate.
I can only love and be loved if I love me.
No one can harm me. I love you.
Love of another, does not warrant loss of the self.
Separate paths can be followed and my partner still kept.
Love is perfect, whole and complete.
I realize I will never know it all and hey that’s OK.
Life is living not the things I want or own.
Death is not to be feared; life is to be lived.
Safety comes from within myself, not from my job or financial state.
All I need I will always have.
Ego causes me to have judgmental thoughts of myself - I love me.
Fear is created by my ego - I have no fear of living.
When I accept, life becomes simple.
My body is a gift.
I accept those around me.
I cherish the things in my life.
My views are only mine; I do not need a group to practice what I believe.
Other people’s opinions do not matter - I approve of myself.
Other people’s comments to me are only a reflection of themselves.
People who don’t approve or accept me do not accept or approve of themselves.
Unconditional love is the only true reality.
A Creator of perfection creates only perfect people.
Finding other things to think about takes focus off what your ego is ranting about. Do you see a common thought or threat in your ego’s thoughts? Such as, fear of losing control? Not being heard? Or thinking you will end up alone? Take a moment and note one thing you fear the most then in one affirmation for you no matter what situation you are in. I am safe, I am not alone, I am enough, and I hear you.
Statement Answer to self
I cannot do this and get it done the way they want it to be.
“I love what I do.” Or “ I love my job.”
He/she never listens to me! Why can’t they just listen!
“I am heard.” Or “I love you.”
I hate when this happens! Why does this always happen to me!!!!
“I am safe.” Or “Thank you.”
I wish I could just fade away or make this all stop! I just want to run away.
“ I love my life.” Or “Everything is good in my world.”
In this example the main fear is losing control. Therefore the affirmations used would be to the effect of - I am safe. All is well in my world. I am okay. Thank you.
The idea of using one affirmation is, when you say it you will feel quiet and content inside. The ego will stall for a moment. Remember the ego is like a two-year-old child or teenager. The ego is the voice freaking out and complaining all the time, speak like you would to a young child, firmly but gently, allowing yourself and parent you.
My current affirmation is ~ revisit and change it as needed
In the first week you learned to see yourself in a world as you wish to be. In week two you learned to turn down the volume of the rambling ego by adding warm thoughts thus allowing you to better hear your knowing self. How do you take all of these concepts into your daily life, especially in today’s society?
Life is to be accepted and experienced. We are taught to plan our lives by setting goals, creating goals and then reaching and following them. Most who set goals never achieve them. If you live your life setting goals you can never reach you see yourself as failure. Rigid schedules or goals cannot work as they cause stress with a feelings of failure or loss of control.
This does not mean you cannot have a goal or a schedule, it means you cannot attach yourself to the outcome. Think of what you want, set upon that path by doing things to lead you there, and have enough faith to know you will get what you need. It may not always turn like you expected or happen when you want it to, but it will always turn out exactly the way it is meant too. This does not mean you wander through life with no goals at all. In my mind I wanted to publish a book and someday lecture to many and so I began that path. There were many twists and turns and 12 years later I published this book on my own. I have been lecturing since 1996. I am succeeding my way while staying open to how things may unfold. However, if I demanded of myself “You must publish through a publisher, get an agent and be jet setting in one year.” While feeling anything less was failure, then I would only be failing myself as I raced for this specific goal. I would be choosing to sacrifice my health, my mental stability, my family and my home life. (Life priorities are discussed in Stress Management chapter)
If you need to be in control, you will feel as if you are failing and always needing to fix something with yourself or your life. There will be no room for acceptance. But remember to be patient with yourself, allow yourself to feel you are in control, and still dream, please still dream. We need to be able to imagine things before we can believe they will happen to us. So yes, set your goals; make your lists learning you are already where you need to be.
There is nothing wrong with you or the things you have done ~ there has never been and there will never be. You are perfect doing the best every minute of every day. You will always evolve and change. Evolution is constant, you will always be changing, growing and learning. It is only in retrospect we find fault with our actions. At the time, you did your best. When you learn a different way, you may choose to do it or you may not. This choice is still perfect for you. There are no mistakes, there is no true failure and you are perfect. Learn this and there will never be regrets. You will always be adding and changing the way you do things. Sometimes you may think to yourself “If only I would have known, I would have done that differently” You cannot go back and change anything in your life but you can choose to learn from the situation thus being grateful for the lesson, hence gaining the knowledge.
If you feel things are being done to you or think you have failed, you rob yourself of seeing the gifts in life, even the most dire or painful situations are gifts. Everything does happen for a reason. This is just not a cliché statement but a fact in this same way that every moment is a gift of knowledge.
Being grateful for every moment in your life enables your mind to open and see each moment as a gift no matter how painful or confusing the situation may seem. It is hard to whine, complain or feel victimized when thinking the words “Thank you”. Humility goes a long way when it is bound to gratitude. Be open to this fact and you will eventually see your gifts and know, there is more coming. That is blind faith. Blind faith lives in you and is believed by you in your way.
You must choose to see your reality through the eyes of acceptance and gratitude,
rather than the eyes of guilt, blame, victimization or fear.
What does this concept look like? You now recognize the rambling hurtful voice of your ego and have added the voice of your maturing spirit. Know you are always the best you can be with all your human qualities intact. This means the continual addition of respectful and grateful thoughts daily and moment-by-moment. “Oh that is too much work,” Your ego may yell. “I don’t have the time to do that!”
This is your life. You took the time to learn to speak to yourself in a respectful manner so you can choose to add it as another inner dialogue one that joins the ego, not trying to drown it out. This voice will bring constant respect and blind faith into your life.
Look seriously at how you see your world? Are you a victim thinking everything is being done to you? Do you feel that the world has turned against you or you have been left behind? Do you feel you are chasing a dream you will never get or feeling you are stuck in a life you will never have a chance to leave?
You are not a victim unless you choose to think you are. You cannot always change your life but you can change your perception of it. We grow up setting goals (such as school, job, marriage, kids, house, car & ‘happiness’) and work to gain them. We are further taught if these goals are not met, we have failed. We are told to gain control of our lives, our children, our spouses, our future, and ourselves. We are told just deal with it, or get over it and basically end up feeling out of control. How do you shift years of mental conditioning when so many people say it works and yet we all can see it does not?
You have begun learning how you see yourself and your life as well as begun to monitor and shift the thought dialogue running in your mind. You are now beginning to see you have always done what you thought was best and are also realizing you do not need to rid yourself of parts of you nor your ego’s thought. Instead you have added a new perspective to these things. Acceptance of who you are and where you are will aid you to see life as a daily success because you are living in gratitude.
When you walk through your life repeating ‘thank you’ in your mind it is very hard to hear the thoughts of guilt, disappointment and fear. Your perception of your life switches from constant failure to constant acceptance of what is. That acceptance translates to the ability to walk through daily life without planning but doing what needs to be done in the moment without resentment or guilt, knowing you are always moving to where you need to be.
How does one achieve this mindset while living in a world so sure of what it sees and feels it needs to control? The answer is, you decide you are responsible for you and no one else is. You decide you have enough faith to know everything is for the best of your being and future. You will see your proof of this once you trust proof is there.
This is life. It is not work. You can choose to wallow in self pity or you can decide it is okay to have a bad day and accept it as how you feel right now or you can decide your thoughts are not yours to change and continue doing what you are doing (which is often not working for you). You can realize everyone is just like you, capable. They, nor you, are in need of saving and are already living life to the best of their ability. We are all able to live a life of contentment, acceptance and self-respect. Knowing what you know now is just the beginning. You have a lifetime to continue adding to your being. This is just the first step and there are many to follow, this is your life and you will live it your way.
Do not run out and decide losing weight, changing your looks, dumping your spouse or quitting your job will change your life. Change does not look like that. As you accept your life and your responsibility in it, you will begin to let go of things that no longer fit in your life or suit you. These things were not mistakes they were gifts and lessons therefore you must learn and accept the lesson before you move on or the situation will repeat itself. Responsibility of thought can be a hard one to learn because we live in a world that has decided we do not control our thoughts or our thoughts have no bearing on our reality when in fact our thoughts form our perception of our reality.
To continue on your journey you simply have to decide you are a success, you are equal to all others and you are doing what you do because you want to, not because you have to. Decide you are not a victim. You are not defined by your experiences nor the labels placed upon you because of them. Decide to stop resenting where you are (or have been) and accept the situation you have chosen, deciding to live and learn rather than whine.
Choose not to listen to the whining and draining dialogue of the ego and continue to add the strength of spirit and dialogue of gratitude. You must decide the moment is worth living even if it is painful or uncomfortable and finally, accept you are human and you have emotions. Decide your emotions are a gift and do not rule the way you act. Your emotions do not need to be denied, they can be felt and not acted out. Decide you are human because you feel.
Add to your current beliefs and allow beliefs which no longer suit you to simply fade away while deciding others who still have those beliefs are also ‘getting it’ to the best of their ability. Understand you will always judge others and they will always judge you but the voice of the ego is not spirit and judgment does not need to be voiced or acted upon.
Decide to live with gratitude for your experiences and emotions. Ask questions to those you trust, especially those who believe you have all your own answers. Read the opinions of others to twig and develop opinions and theories of your own. Open your eyes and mind to contentment within your life realizing contentment is the goal. To be content even during times of extreme loss and pain is true ‘inner peace’. And remember you can fake it ‘til you make it’! Believe it is and it will be. “Life is not meant to be an uphill climb, it’s just life.” AuKeeRa Rayne
Week 3 – Written Exercise
As you shift the perception of your life, look at adding these thoughts into your daily life then developing some of your own. The idea is to be accepting of your human emotions and life experiences while not engaging your ego’s judgmental and hurtful controlling dialogue.
I am statement Reminder to your Ego
I am allowed to be angry. …………………………………………. I am not allowed to blame.
I am allowed to eat as I wish and be thankful………..I am not allowed to guilt myself about it.
I am allowed to be with anyone I choose……………...I am not allowed to blame them for the
shortcomings in my life or myself.
I am allowed to have bad days……………………. I am not allowed to blame anyone for my bad days, nor am I allowed to take it out on anyone.
I am allowed to cry……………………………….I am not allowed to blame anyone for my tears.
I am allowed to change the way I look
or how I dress and my make up
without anyone’s permission………...I am not allowed to do this to control or hurt someone else.
I am allowed to grieve knowing it allows me to heal and hence move forward.
Take the time to make your own and update them regularly.
I am statements Reminder to my Ego
You are responsible for keeping yourself accountable and honest. No one knows the reasons behind any actions except for you. Calling your own bluff is very important when keeping your ego in check. Your ego is a part of you and therefore very brilliant as well. By not keeping a journal and watching your thoughts, it is easy to slip back into a victim mentality of ungratefulness lacking in gratitude. This is your life. The quality of your life will be determined by the thoughts you choose to think and the contentment and gratitude you choose to feel. Shift your thought’s volume and feel the gratitude and watch the gifts in your life come forth. You may choose not to, and you will not be punished nor cast into some sort of hell. There is no such thing. Life will simply remain as it is and this is also a choice we are all allowed.
You are a product of an unconditionally loving universe that supports your every need. If your need is to decide to continue to see your life as lacking in fulfillment, then so it is. You will be supported. It can be hard for some to take full responsibility for your thoughts and the way you perceive your life, but this is truth, and this truth is yours. Make it what you wish it to be.
Journal, accept your thoughts, feelings and emotions; eat well, drink enough water and exercise. Work a job that serves your life daily and walk through your life doing the best you can and know you are never alone. If you need a ‘pick me up’ from time to time, use the daily guidance cds ~ "Journey to the Self & Help", "I’m have a Bad Day" by AuKeeRa Rayne These cds remind you that you know what you are doing, are not alone and not doing anything wrong.
You create your reality,
You live your life,
Live in contentment, acceptance and gratitude
You will find all you know life has to offer. You will find peace.
Journey to the Self – Written Exercises - Redo these exercises when something seems unsettled or simply begin to ask you “If I could do anything, what would it be?” You do have your own answers.
Part 1 –Look objectively at your physical self.
Part 2 - Describe what you would change about your physical self.
Part 3 – Describe your style of dressing.
Part 4 – Write a description of this imaginary self.
Part 5 – Write a description of your daily life, job, pastimes, hobbies, family, home etc.
Part 6 – Write and see the life you have imagined and you living it every day.
Step 1 – Observe your thoughts about situations, reactions, self and others.
Step 2 - Write down the thoughts you use against yourself, the words and the tone of voice.
Step 3 – Write affirmative thoughts beside each thought to balance your ego’s thoughts.
Step 4 – Write one ‘catch all’ affirmation that will cover your main fears and comments.
Write affirmative statements along with reminders to your ego to aid you in daily living.
Book List to continue keeping an open mind and the belief in yourself
A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson
The Only Diet There Is by Sondra Ray
Handbook to a Higher Consciousness by Ken Keys (no longer in print)
Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawin
The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield
Mutant Message Down Under by Marlo Morgan
The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron with Mark Bryan
A Course in Miracles
The Pagan Christ [Recovering the lost light] by Tom Harpur
What would Buddha do? By Franz Metcalf
How to Practice (The way to a meaningful life) By the Dalai Lama
“What the Bleep do we know “ the book and the movie
“The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch
“Eyes of an Angel” by Paul Elder
“Journey ~ A Journal for Life” by AuKeeRa Rayne
“Journey to the Self & Help! I’m having a Bad Day”2 cd set by AuKeeRa Rayne