Friday, February 11, 2011

Valentine's Day ~ oh my :)

Okay, take a deep breath. Why oh why does one single day hold so much
expectation? For those who are in a relationship are often holding
their breath wondering if their partner will come through, wishing
flowers would appear more than one day a year, while the single feel
rebellious or left out. Either way, single or taken, on Valentine's
Day we tend to take the pulse of our situation or relationship and we
should not.

It is February. Winter has dragged on and on here in the north, with
no sun to be found. Sure Vday is an excuse to buy something for
someone you like and maybe don't really know, a great icebreaker. But
for those of us in relationships, tried by Christmas shopping,
sometimes family, finance, kids, life and work, stress seems to hit
the roof in February as we await some reprieve from the weather. It
is a time where so many things are under stress so do not use one day
to make it seem all okay nor to use as a make or break. Those
situations are better handled with an adult conversation. Scary yes,
but we are adults and can actually have a conversation.

Be aware flowers can be bought at Safeway all year round for a very
respectable price! A dozen roses are only $14.99 (except for vday
where the price rises $10). So buy your girl or guy flowers once a
month. You think it doesn't matter? You are wrong :) During winter
there is no green, there are no flowers, thus cut flowers really do
make a difference in our homes. On a further point, maybe don't wait
for someone else to buy you flowers, buy them yourself. What? Yes,
seriously, buy them for you from you for no reason at all. Trust me
it makes a world of different. Also think of buying some for your
guy. Yes, really. Most men have never received flower, and no, he
will not think it is stupid (even if he acts like it, he is tickled
you thought of him) This tiny gesture does translate to "you took
time to think of me... thank you."

But what about the dreaded impending vday? Take away your
expectation. If you know your relationship is tense then do your best
to make yourself comfortable that day. Maybe make supper rather than
go out, don't feel pressured to purchase something you don't want to.
Furthermore, if you are in a place where things are uncomfortable then
the one thing you should focus on is just being kind. Kindness seems
to be the first thing that leaves when we feel frustrated with life.

Thus in your mind, think, "I love you" "you are doing great" and while
your ego rambles "you're alone" "nothing is going good" "he isn't
going to get you anything" "you better buy her the world or she'll be
mad" you stay focused on you, trust you and just do your best.

Everyday should have a kiss and a hug, well a hug for sure, and many
if you can. We all end up expecting visual clues of love in this
society, so try and make yours a hug and a smile from the one you adore.

I know you may want to impress him or her, but don't use one day to do
it. Use one day (then the next and the next) to actually see and
realize what you have and how much it is worth keeping. Use one day
to maybe show you what you are capable of and not what you should
expect from the other person. Be real. Don't go in debt. Set a pace
you can keep up without stressing yourself or your budget. Most of
us, remember, no matter how bad a hand written card may sound, when
someone loves you, those words will be perfect.

So don't just take time for you, the one you love or friends on vday.
Remember this is a year round thing, your love can be showered on
others with no excuse needed and I guarantee, other's will love it!
(just don't forget to shower the love on you too)

Happy Vday to all of you, a holiday set in 'fact' but now carried into
the market of expectation and great expense ~ do it your way, do it
everyday, and you will do it best :)

AuKeeRa Rayne

ps ~ for all you single gals this is what i used to do, why? cause I
loved it ~ I would go to a fancy chocolate place and buy one or two
plus one flower. This started a habit of feeling I did deserve really
good chocolate and having flowers in my home. Trust me, it is worth
it, YOU are worth it.


Mike Shaw said...

I recently had a date that told me she left her husband because she felt invisible in her relationship. I thought long and hard about that and something you once told me. This is the conclusion I came up with. In life someone wants to feel that they are cared for, loved and cherished. Fantastic words and when someone imagines there knight in shining armor what is it they see. Always the handsome guy/girl that mostly can romance them. Romance to me use to be expensive dinner and flowers. But that in itself lasts a day, lets face it you cant afford to do that everyday. So what is true romance, how about telling them you love them first thing when you wake up in the morning. placing your hand on the small of there back and gently kissing them on the cheek. A smile gos a long way so why not do it every time you pass each other in the hall. Holding each other often in a day even if its just for a few seconds. The everyday small things you can do to let the person you are with that they are cared for and loved is what true romance is all about. I think if two people can accomplish just those simple things you have what it takes to take on what ever challenges that they maybe faced with. I use to think that nobody would want to be with me because i had nothing to offer. Now that I have thought it through I have more to offer than most. I am a very caring, thoughtful, compassionate person, traits that any knight in shining armor should have.

Mike Shaw

AuKeeRa Rayne said...

beautifully stated Mike and oh so true.