This is a great question and one that has caused alot of confusion.
We believe if we live for ourselves we are 'selfish' or self serving.
But really if you treat yourself the same way you treat others, this
is not selfish, it is choosing to not have double standards.
If you treat others better than your treat yourself you create
bitterness and resentment, no really a good idea :)
If you expect others to treat you better than they treat themselves,
also, you will not be happy with the results once again.
When we think we can be someone else's answer, we can make them happy
or we can help them find themselves, we are not being nice people, we
are being ego maniacs deciding we are better than someone! Sure
society as taught us acting like this makes us 'nice' people but it is
egotistical behaviour, not nice.
If you live for you, treating you the way you wish to be treated then
this treatment becomes habit in the way you treat others. Thus you
must live for yourself.
Financially don't decide others deserve your money more than you. The
universe/God provided it to you, why would you say, "thanks but I
think someone else deserves it more" again, how egotistical to give
away a gift rather than be grateful for it, being a martyr is pure ego
We are trained to be victims and martyrs in our society. Be aware of
this. You are NOT here to save the world, God/the Universe, has that
one under control. Your responsibility is you and only you. If you
feel you are lacking you will NOT find wholeness in giving to others
until you learn to give to you, remember, no double standards. The
way you treat others is only out of pure honestly and truth if you are
treating yourself that way first.
How do I do that? Think to yourself with the kind words you would
share with another. Gift yourself first rather than gifting another.
Cook for you the way you would cook for another, the same goes for
cleaning. Decide your body is worth dressing in a way that shows this
self respect. Journal, put up sticky notes to let you know how you
care (I am enough), tell you that you love you everyday. And when all
else fails, fake it til you make it :)
Don't demand anything of others that you don't give yourself and don't
give to others what you have not learned to give to yourself.