Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The ego does have a purpose and a gift ~ self doubt

I posted a video on utube today and the first comment I got was "You
realize your full of crap don't you." Yes, this comment was posted on
a video for tolerance and understanding. Interesting. Immediately I
felt the pang of self doubt. Did I do something wrong? DId I
unknowingly hurt someone? My ego flew into wanting to control and
this time I took a moment and rechecked myself.

The ego with it's self doubt allows us to think before we speak, if we
let the ego serve this purpose. The ego works from a point of right
or wrong only. If you are right, then it makes me wrong, I believe I
am right so therefore you must be wrong.

My ego wants this person to be wrong, thus I want to prove he is wrong
but how does this serve me? I do not know him, he does not know me.
Thus all I know is my view is wrong for him. This does not make my
view wrong for me.

My ego is hurt though and wants to hit back, as a child would but then
why would I purposefully hurt another just because they hurt me, thus
I temper my ego with tolerance, allowing myself to feel hurt, angry
and frustrated while letting this person be entitled to their point of

Yes, this is why walking our walk is so hard and tolerance with
acceptance is really required for our time on this earth. Yes, it is
hard, I will admit that over and over but within the same breath, this
is our life and we choose what emotion we allow to lead. No one's
choice is wrong for them even though another might find it abrasive,
even hurtful. Who am I do judge someone who has judged me? I don't
even know him, nor does he know me. He is simply stating his view of
'the cup' and that it for sure doesn't match my point of view.

We are all entitled to this however we can also choose to allow this
to be our compass. What is our ego lashing out at? What self doubt
has this video (in his case) or comment (in my case) enacted within me
and what is my solution. What is right for me? How can I make me feel
better? How can I serve what works for me? In his case it was to
comment on the video enacting his self doubt, for me it was to comment
back and thank him for his opinion, then to blog about self doubt.

A wonderful woman I have recently met pointed out tonight how I use my
self doubt to ensure I see others points of view and don't knee jerk
react to the actions or comments of others. I am deeply grateful for
her insight for now I get to live her theory and see her observation
is right.

Thus I see the ego does come with a gift if we choose to use it, one
of self doubt, the doubt that can enable us to grow more understanding
into ourselves and those around us. No time wasted, no thought a
waste either.

A side note, I later found the comment was posted by a relative of
mine more tolerance is in order :)

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