never repair. Some say it gets easier with time, I don't agree, I
think we just teach ourselves how to live without what we have lost.
Yes, we yearn greatly to communicate with those who have now left our
lives, hoping they are in a better place while knowing we feel lost
without them. Time aids us those in many ways and at some point their
memories bring as many smiles and less tears (although I find the
tears often present and I am still grateful for that, only now my
heart does not ache so much it hurts)
When someone we love first dies communication is difficult due to
grief. Please understand this and allow yourself to feel what you
need to. The grieving process is extremely important and must be
respected as such.
Thus do not chastise yourself as doing something wrong if you do not
'feel' or 'hear' the one you are seeking, this is normal. Our sadness
and numbness (which is suppose to be present) sets up a very 'loud'
barrier to the other side for we are suppose to focus on ourselves at
this time, taking the time to give ourselves what we need as each
moment will feel like a struggle. This feeling can be present for a
year and for some more. If you take the time to nurture you, just
doing the best you can, you will allow yourself to be happy one day
again, even those the one you have lost is still gone.
During the glimpses of that returning contentment in when you will be
able to 'feel' or 'hear' the one you have lost.
What do I do until that time?
What you do is write letters. Really. Write to them, talk to them
allow yourself to say what you need to. I am not saying treat them
like they are still alive but tell them how you are feeling, what you
need to say to them, tell them you miss them, allow yourself to
imagine all the good times. When my Mother lost my father I suggested
for her to write and thus she would journal to him every night, half
his ashes by his bedside (the other buried with his family) She told
him about her day, what she did, how she was doing and they would
'visit' for awhile. This did bring her peace, no it did not take away
the loneliness nor her deep sadness and loss but it did bring a smile
to her tear streaked face as she remembered Dad everynight within all
the things they would do together which she was still doing on her own.
She did say she could feel him when she wrote to him and I know you
will see what I/she meant as you write to your lost one too.
Some get beautiful writing paper, then seal each letter with a kiss.
Some find a gorgeous journal. Others just jot down things on paper,
almost like point for rather than full sentences, there is not wrong
way to write to the one you lost, just write and that will be enough.
Some write daily, others find this hard and only write once in a while
when they have something to say. Some write out there anger or regret
while others wouldn't dare. Write what you feel, don't worry about
being judged by the one who has passed (they love you no matter what)
and remember, anger is normal and a part of grief.
Others love to visit as well as right. I must admit I liked to talk
to Dad, and still do. After my father passed I was terrified he would
show up standing at the end of my bed like in a horror movie. Also I
had asked him to ring a waiter bell I had got him for father's day (he
died before fathers day that year, so I had gifted him with it on his
death bed) Although he was no longer talking, he nodded his head
yes. After his passing all I could think was "please don't ring the
bell, please don't ring the bell!" I spoke to Dad, cried and cried, I
just felt dead inside. This was never suppose to happen, not yet, he
was to young.
Finally I had a talk with myself and told myself to smarten up! I
knew darn well that when we see those who have passed they do not look
like the horror movies portrayed them, so why would Dad? I imagined
how Dad felt, reminding myself he will feel the same. I imagined his
hugs, smile, caring nature and all the things I loved about him. Then
about two months after his death I saw him. He walked around the
corner of my garage while I was sitting on the step. He was dressed
in his jeans, wearing a hat he used to gad about in at the lake, he
also had on his beige jacket. I have tears even now writing this. He
didn't show up in my home, he showed up where he knew I would feel
safe. Remember, our loved ones know us, they will never scare us.
There presence will alway feel calm.
We don't see them like we see each other, it is more like.... okay
well let me explain.... imagine a pink elephant, now project that
image out infront of you. Can you see it? It is kinda hazy but you
know it is there, it is kinda see through but you are aware of it's
color (and even it's eye color if you look :) That is how they look
once they are on the other side.
But AuKeeRa I can't see him/her, that is normal, believe me it is.
They can see and feel us but remember, they are now energy and for our
human eyes, this can be hard to see and hear.
While you are writing them, you will start to feel them. This feels so
normal you may not even notice. Yes, it is that simple. Sometimes
imagining them also aids us to 'see'. 'feel' or 'hear' them. It
reminds us of how they feel, sound and look then how simple it would
be to imagine them there. No it won't bring them back and no,
sometimes it takes way longer to hear them but at least you will be
aware of the fact they are okay and 'feel' okay.
The feeling is the easiest to achieve first thus write to them,
imagine them and just allow yourself to KNOW they are present.
One day you will 'hear' a reply to a question you are asking them or a
statement that is like something they would say. It sounds like a
thought in your head but you know it was not you thinking it and it
was something the one you love would say. Your first response will be
to tell yourself you made it up, but trust me, it is your loved one.
Communication becomes easier for some and for others still sporadic,
these clients simply find peace through writing and visiting, taking
peace in simply knowing their loved one is there and does hear them.
Yes, they do hear us. I giggle at myself when I am reading as I know
they can hear me and often will politely ask them to leave so I can
say things I do not wish them to hear. But remember I asked them to
be present. They do not hear everything we say all the time but will
hear us when they know they need to. No, our parents do not hang out
watching us go to the washroom or being in compromised positions with
lovers. (a question frequently asked) they do not care in that way and
all of our lost loved ones respect our personal privacy and space.
Our loved ones will never try to scare us. Never. Not even in a
joking manner. When they kid around they will do it in a way you KNOW
is them. Yes, sometime loved ones leave things around the house. I
have no idea how this is possible but mom found toothpicks all around
the house after dad passed (Dad always carried toothpicks in his
pocket so she knew it was him) I saw animals, unique animals. Dad
also loved animals and now I see prairie chickens and I always know it
is dad. You will know when you have little signs from your loves one.
Don't discount them, decide you are making them up, no, thank what you
believe in, let a tear form in your eye and know you are loved.
One thing we tend to forget is that when we die we do not become all
knowing and all seeing, no, we remain who we are at first with all our
humor and personality traits intact. So if you hear words of advice,
remember they are still coming from that same source thus when it is a
parent, take the words of advice as you would when they were alive.
If you feel your spouse, child or parent is not in a good place
understand death does not work like that. We do not go to a horrible
place. Sometimes we wait and ponder for a bit, taking time to reflect
on our lives, sort things out and sometimes try to amend things in our
mind. Sometimes we are sad we died too (this does not happen with
children as they know death is okay and remember very quickly how safe
we are and how 'home' feels) Some chose to visit many many people to
let them all know they are okay, often appearing in their dreams (yes,
that is them too). Others will chose to stay alone for a bit, just
relaxing, pondering and taking it all in.
This is another reason you may not feel, hear or see them for a time.
How they died does not show when they will cross over.
Let me explain something I understand to be true. When a person dies,
before they cross over, they stand upon the ground when I see them.
When someone has chosen not to leave just yet, it is not because they
are 'stuck' or in peril. No, it is because they wish to stay closer
(in their opinion) to the ones they love, sometime their parents
'want' them to stay, so they listen (I have only seen once when a
child was really not happy because the mom was now still totally
focused on the child's death and the child felt obligated to stay and
thus was beginning to resent the mom's dependance on the death being a
focus). Do not feel guilty you want you lost one around you, they
will stay for a time, they will. (this is when they are called ghosts)
However when they cross over, how I see them is off the ground and
still often just as close to you, (this is when they are called
spirits). Infact after they cross over they can be even more support
to us. Their energy is stronger, their love is stronger, they are
more 'themselves' then they have ever been. It is here in this state,
when they are with you, you will 'feel' them and it will feel really
nice. Yes, still sad as the sadness never truly leaves but you will
KNOW they are okay.
Not all of us will be able to see them, most of us will be able to
hear them and all of us can feel them. Journaling and writing will be
your best aid (for it also aids us when working with our guides and
channeling) If ever the messages seem scared or threatening please
recheck, for you ego has taken over writing for your lost loved one.
Sometime we can be mean to ourselves for some reason, kicking
ourselves when we are down and deciding our lost loved one is still
hurting or scared. Don't create this fear in yourself.
I also found it helpful to have a representation of my father with
me. I have also given up a daughter (treated life a loss in regards
to grieving) and when I gave her to her new parents I experienced a
pain like no other. I purchased a ring with her birthstone to keep
her close to me. As the universe would have it, her birth stone is
the same as my father's and just before my father died and I got the
honor to meet my birth daughter, I was gifted the most beautiful piece
of jewelry containing their birth stone. I think it is wonderful to
keep your lost loved one close to you, yes, I do have tattoos for my
father but I do caution you to wait on your tattoos for memory as
sometimes we get something very very large as we are in so much pain,
and I just ask you consider your life and not just your loss before
memorializing your loved one in ink so it serves their memory and not
just your grief.
I hope this helps in some small way to aid you in contacting the one
you love and lost.
All my love, compassion and understanding, AuKeeRa