Christmas Stress

Ah yes, it is here again and so is the stress that goes along with it.

Let's go over some ground rules okay?

This holiday is NOT about the presents, we all know this then guilt
the heck out of ourselves for not spending enough. Stop it.

Buy your kids only one present each.
Do you realize kids get so many things they no longer
treasure that one special xmas gift?

Set a gift budget and stick to it. Why?
January comes and do you still want to be paying for
everyone's gifts?
Those you love, speak to, set a budget with them too
those who love you, just want you and I am sure you don't
expect or want anything in the way of gifts from them either.
Food and hugs always best.

The xmas party..... oh my

Hosting ~ you as the host must come first (yes, I know, I stress too)
so make it easy on you. Drink in hand, prepare a meal that DOES NOT
STRESS YOU!!! remember xmas is for the visiting and if you
are stressed, trust me, you will not have fun.

Use paper plates, if anyone is there to judge, let them.

Let family and friends bring for the meal. You make the main dish and
let them bring something to add. But they are flying in? then enlist
their help. yes, I mean it. And yes, I know it is hard, I get it
but if you get stuck doing everything, you will just want it all to be
over, what kind of xmas is that?

Difficult family
There is only one rule here. Treat them with the kindness
of strangers. Trust me, I get it, I hear you and I understand Christmas
family stress, more than you will ever know. However, it
is one day, or one week, we can do this, after all, deep down we love
them regardless of what has gone on.
So for this time, just be your kind self, allow things to go easy, trust me, ppl know exactly
what is going on, we don't have to point it out.

With all that said, please enjoy your holiday, know the memories are
worth it when the memories don't include your memories of stress.

xoxo AuKeeRa

Bullying ~ one solution

Parents want to stop bullying. We all do... So when does the open and
honest dialogue begin about how bullying begins? Everyday people
berate and bully themselves in their heads. Not policing their
thoughts one but. Then they all cry out when they hear younger
generations torture others verbally with words.

How are those words different from those we as adults say to ourselves?

When does this society learn that what we think of ourselves we
inadvertently pass onto younger generations?

When will the adults of this world take responsibility for thinking
the way they'd like to see others in the younger generations act?

Your thoughts are the key to end bullying. The thoughts you decide to
give yourself rather than the ones you hear from yourself each and
every moment of each day.

You disagree? Tell me honestly if you like yourself enough to walk
away from a fight of any kind.

You think you have to stand up for yourself or teach someone they are
wrong. Why?

This is what we are teaching out younger generations. Not to be
accepting but to be right and furthermore to win or 'be on top' or 'be
the best'.

Why do we think this will take the world in a direction of
synchronicity? Has it done that for you?

What would your world be like if you accepted yourself. Just the way
you were, are and will be. Would that one thought of acceptance enable
you to accept others rather than trying to save, change or argue with
them?

Would that one thought of self-acceptance not teach other generations
to accept themselves so they too may accept others?

Change does not occur from fighting. Change comes from knowing we are
enough and deserve to have it all, just as all others do, while not
deciding what another's 'having it all' looks like to them.

Change to bullying and all the craziness in this world starts with one
thing and one thing alone. You accepting you and knowing you are
enough a d being brave enough to tell yourself that each day and
choosing to believe it.

Will we as a society understand the change our personal self-
acceptance can make? I don't know.

People prefer to be self-loathing and self-victimizing, while feeling
we cannot all be equal or that makes us less somehow, and we must find
success before anyone else!

Now add in a world that supports our self destructive thinking with
the religions say we are born sinners (unlovable or imperfect yet the
Bible states we are created in God's image) now the latest
spirituality trend decides we all need fixing (we are born sprit then
die returning to spirit, being human does not make us less) and on top
of all that, our society has us believing success requires us to be in
financial debt so we sink ourselves financially to succeed. Our whole
society is based on spend more save more! That makes no sense. We are
taught we NEED things that are only wants. We are also taught now to
live way beyond our means so no one will think we are not successful.
This trend is only twenty years old when we joined America's lead by
spending more than we make and now our seniors have joined this trend.
When we are in debt we feel horrible about ourselves and we feel
victimized and resentful forgetting we chose the things we purchased
due to pressure we believe is real.

So I honestly don't know if people are able to find self-acceptance
for themselves. Everything in this world has made it appear that we
should not accept ourselves with a plethora of reasons why we suck.

This generation comes along and all of a sudden we wonder why people
and kids bully. All the blame gets placed on actions and no one yet
has though where this behavior is started and perpetuated.

As long as we all choose to only bully ourselves each day and not
balance those thoughts with self-acceptance we are not practicing the
change we hope to see. Self-acceptance does not come with accolades or
praise in fact it after comes with frustration of 'always being the
bigger person' or 'how come I'm living in integrity when no one else
seems to be'?! This is why very few choose to accept themselves as
enough.

Once we open this door and truly believe it will you suddenly be rich
with everything you've ever wanted? No. Life will still give you
experiences requiring your full range of human emotions, something
that can only happen when you are alive. So why accept myself? It'll
just make me lazy (when we are lazy it's usually because fear
failing). It'll make me narcissistic! (Actually the state human beings
live in now is already narcissistic. When we believe we can save
others or that others 'need us' it's out ego telling us we are better
than them. We are not. Self-acceptance allows us to step back and
empower others... And our children with a loving thought of "I know
you can make it through this. I believe in you.")

No one is saying you have to as remember, self-acceptance really seems
to have no pay off and for your ego it doesn't. So I'm sure most who
read this will simply make excuses why they can't rather than adding a
thought of self acceptance to their daily existence such as "I'm proud
of you", "I love you", "you are enough" as it's just the way we are
raised and aided by the society we are living in.

But I can tell you, each and every moment of each and everyday I will
look in that mirror and tell that girl I love her, how beautiful she
is, how much I accept her and in turn each person I say it to will for
a glimmer see it in themselves as I see this in me. And furthermore my
child will learn why he is enough, how to balance self individuals
with self acceptance, how to walk out in this world amongst all the
bullies, stupidity and cruelty while still being able to see the value
of his human existence and everyone else's as well.

I ask you share this if you believe in it. Do not change my words or
erase my name, for unless you practice though of self-acceptance the
concept is truly not an easy one to explain.

It is my hope that one day you will look in the mirror and see the
perfection and beauty I see in each person I meet and in turn you will
be able, once you accept yourself as enough, begin to see your life
and everyone in it, not as a threat but also as enough. There would be
no more room for bullies in a society, as they would only be fighting
with themselves. This simple yet seemingly difficult concept is truly
the only way to stop bullying in our children, our work places and in
generations to come.

Please share if it feels right, and add in one thought today. Do not
look for outward support as only you can find this love for you. No
one can make you accept you; this journey is yours and yours alone.
You are enough you can do this.

AuKeeRa Rayne

Society has got this one wrong ~ self focus is NOT selfish

"I do everything for those I love. I love to help"

These words are suppose to make us nice people but what these words
really do is create resentment when we live serving all those around
us while waiting for someone to treat us the way we are treating the.

The huge myth is that nice people, humble people, do nothing for
themselves and everything for others.
If you truly wish to be someone who cares for those around you then
you cannot run double standards treating yourself less than those you
treat around you. If you do this, you will empty your well, become
exhausted, and then often resentful as you watch yourself do nice
things and everything for others while no one does anything for you.

Assertive and self assured people have learned they have to ask
themselves what they need, provide them and keep doing so BEFORE they
provide those things to others.

There are many people in life who do not wish to take care of
themselves mentally (or physically or financially) and there are so
many 'nice people' ready to stand in and 'help'. This is not help and
this action is selfish. When we help others thinking they are unable
to do it for themselves we are being selfish. Somehow we have given
ourselves the belief that the other person 'NEEDS' us, and this feeds
are ego, so there for it is selfish. Yes, this is the exact opposite
as we have been taught.

If you give yourself everything you need (monetary, mentally,
physically) you will have the overflow to give to others, and you will
not need to think "should I?" or "I don't want to but I know I
should?" anymore for you will know, you can give without being
exhausted, resentful or broke. You will realize That just running out
and agreeing the person needs help often becomes enabling and we all
know we would rather be empowered (except for the person used to
everything being done for them....)

Same with the advice we give, all our friends and family is doing what
is best for them. Careful, even when asked what you say... or ask for
that matter. Our opinions should empower our partner, friends or
family to find their own way, their way with just a different view if
asked for by us. Our words should not confuse them nor ever come from
a condescending place. We are all equal.

And because we are all equal is why we do not NEED each other, but it
is so nice to HAVE each other. Having is a choice, needing comes from
a place of ego and fear. All we need is always provided and there for
us, what we need is just in our minds and when another person jumps in
or feels obligated to fulfill that need, that person needs to realize
this is an action of ego, not charity.

Yes, we can give but when we give of our overflow we actually HAVE the
money to give (no personal debt or needing groceries ourselves), time
(we are already giving time needed to ourselves, family, and friends).

Look at you. You gorgeous, incredible, successful human being. Look
in the mirror and see what a great job you have done, yes, you. Do
for you what you do for your friends everyday, you've had enough
practice so I guess you already know how to right? You know all the
wonderful things you say to your friends, kids and family..... how
proud you are of them? I think you should say those words to you, and
feel proud of yourself too. No ore double standards, no treating
others better than you treat yourself... okay?


Take the time to observe your life, just think about it okay? Observe
you running, feeling out of sorts, never feeling you have enough time
or money, along with the thoughts you are thinking while all this is
happening. Are you being mean to you, telling you to hurry up, that
you are stupid, that you do everything wrong? Just observe and take
the time to hear what you are thinking.

Then add one (yes, only one) thought. I am enough or I am proud of
you or everything is right in my life.

Then think that thought over and over and over while your ego tries to
mentally obliterate you and your life seems to want to swallow you up!

Over time, and through observation (remembering it took you years to
get to where you are now) keep showing yourself what is out of balance
and find solutions that will aid you. There are solutions, but you
have to allow yourself to not decide what will do wrong before you
even try them and you will have to realize that fulfilling you does
and will always allow you to help, if need be and realize when to step
back and you will always have what is needed in order to give that
help if and when it is necessary and even better, you will have now
learned who you want in your life, what you want in your life and that
YOU can also ask for help from those you 'trust' with this incredible
you.

We are all equal, we all are enough..... just the way we are, and
things can always only get better :D

Sun shines ~ fears fade

Anxiety is created when we try and control a future we cannot. We
fool ourselves into believe and agreeing with a society which tells us
we can control the moments to come, when infact all we can truly do is
set forth with an idea in mind while willing to change and bend with
the curves of the road ahead. This bobbing and weaving requires
coping skills and underneath that requires self confidence. The
confidence to know we do have our own answers, we will be safe and
everything is fine, working out as it should. But then society jumps
in again. If something 'bad' happens we immediately turn ourselves
into victims, throwing our self confidence and safety out the window
using the situation to show ourselves why our future is scary and
needs us to control it. Do you see the conundrum this puts us in? We
feel we need to control that which we cannot ever truly control. We
won't even take that step forward for fear of something 'bad' happening.

So what is truly bad? Someone in this world has gone through, and
survived the unimaginable in their life. They survived, somehow
someway, they did. So ask yourself when your ego threatens the need
to control "what is the worst that can happen" now don't be all
dramatic, stay realistic. You see, your ego uses the unknown against
you. So once you show yourself you can, infact handle the imagined
worst case scenario, then you will stop fearing when you have not even
been yet!

In order for us to take part in our lives we must be constantly
moving, for life doesn't stop. This does not mean we need to be doing
or becoming anything different than what we are. Mind bend isn't it.
You are here, this is your life, it is enough, it is only you who will
decide it isn't enough, or finally see it is. Once you decide this
life, regardless of what it is right now, is enough, you will become
grateful. Once you become grateful, you will truly see the meaning to
having it all.

When we decide we need to control our futures, gratitude cannot be
present as we are too busy telling what we need rather than being
proud of ourselves, or grateful, in the moment. So to live in a state
of contentment, and gratitude, keep an idea of where you are going in
your head but allow the life you are meant to live (even if you don't
agree with where you are) to become what it is, your life at the
moment, and allow yourself to be grateful in that moment rather than
being a victim of it and turning into a victim of circumstance. As I
have said "If you are the victim of circumstance, you are also the
master of it's solution"

Allow yourself to remember that every second is a new beginning, that
you are always doing the best you can in that second and your actions
and you are enough. No one can decide you or your life is not worth
being grateful for besides you. This is your decision and yours
alone. "You hold all the answers to the questions you are brave
enough to ask yourself" and yes, "all unfortunate events are drops of
enlightenment in disguise" Love n hugs, AuKeeRa

brilliant minds, simple answers

"Be the change you want to see in the world" M Gandhi and Albert Einstein "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." and so I say...... I agree, "If one side of reality is hell, then isn't the other side heaven?" and "Take care of you, practice rather than preach and you will naturally care for everything with the care you have taken for yourself."

 And so I just don't get why we all can see what we think should be different in the world ~ then we b@tch, theorize (this is only talk) and yet, we keep treating ourselves like sh*t (the base fact being, you have to be the change you want to see along with take care fo you, practice rather than preach and you will naturally be this change) So I just don't get it. I shakes my head.

I think it is because humans love drama.  We like to talk about stuff we think should change when we are doing nothing in our lives to keep us content.  These to things are not even in the same category and yet we place them there. We need to take care of us.... period.  Only we know what we need.... period and if we don't, ask you, not somebody else.

We DO change the world by living what we believe without telling other how to live their life. They don't need us, they have themselves and what they do is right for them.

We need to keep this simple.  Be a part of the life you have chosen to live.  Be a part of the society you have chosen to live in (by working and keeping up the place you have chosen to live in and by being polite to those you come into contact daily.... simple right?) and treat you as if you actually like you.  Basic and simple, things we all know, so stop making it complicated, or bigger than what it is.  We are NOT broken, we are living.  Life and being human is messy and life will occur, with or without us. Experience the spectrum in the ride of your life, or try to stop it kicking, crying and screaming...... as always, your choice. #AuKeeRa

Butterflies change, so do seasons, so will we...

I saw the movie 42 last night and thus brought on reflection of
ourselves and society, past and present. Most people I have met don't
really like people. Don't get me wrong, they like individual people
but groups, society, ignorance add in drama, and we all admit somedays
people are really hard to be around.

Watching this movie last night reminded me how sometimes we just chose
not to think, while others seem to think to much. Christians have one
simple rule, love your neighbor as yourself, and yet, they can't seem
to follow it. Intellectual people should know personal integrity
should create at the very least respect, and yet it doesn't seem to.
Then they are the people who say they don't care, but they seem to
bitch the most.

Really seems hopeless for our human race somedays. People telling
other what to do, how to live, while not practicing what they preach
and then this movie, I was grateful to see a small piece of society
with people just doing what they wanted, not to stand out but for the
money (business) and by staying within their own integrity changed
things forever.

You see, we don't have to do anything but live our lives, while
silently holding up our personal integrity. Changes and shifts will
always occur. We are truly like the seasons and butterflies. We
change and shift, nothing ever stays the same. We go through cycles
we cannot control and this is the gift of being human.

Stop reading all those self help books, stop deciding what our world
should be, or how others should act, then focus on you and only you,
not your partner, children, friends nor the place you work or the
people around you, only you. The space you control is between your
ears, and this space creates how you see the world around you, so
don't just dismiss your thoughts, aid yourself to see a perfect, ever
changing world. Decide the actions of others are not yours, nor your
responsibility to decide they are wrong and your theories are right.
That is just not our job.

Our purpose here is to live. Can you give yourself the chance to
realize you are the key to the life you have always wanted, your
thoughts will give you this, but first you have to decide you are
enough, it is worth thinking everything is okay, and more so, it is
worth believing everything you already know (for every time I say
things like this, the receiver always said..... I knew that, so I
know, you already know this, so quit complicating things, trying to
control things that just don't matter, and know you and your life will
become exactly what it is meant to be, with our without you, just like
the seasons and the butterfly.)

AuKeeRa
aukeera@sasktel.net

Let's Talk ~ Mental illness

The things we all must remember are
~ we are not alone
~ we can have bad days (and will)
~ we will be sad some days too
~ we can ask for help but....
it is up to us to also help ourselves.

Metal illness is different than the melancholy we all experience and I
will tell you from personal experience, humanbeings are very capable
of learning coping skills to overcome extreme sadness and despair but
we have to chose to.

Many who are in need of aid, tell themselves they are fine while
others ask them to reach out. If this is you and you know you are not
okay, reach out and never stop reaching out. Don't feel you are a
victim rather feel you are going to add a new way of dealing with
things. We all have the ability to cope, we all have days where we
want to give up and more people than you will ever know are where you
are, have been or might be one day. You are not alone.

During a bad day.....
~ do for you what you would do for a good friend. Listen, don't feel
sorry for you but be empathetic, don't push. Bring munchies or flowers
like you would for your friend, with warm blankies and cuddles. Be
nice, not pitying but nice.
~ Know that everyone has bad days so do not decide that everyone
wishes to hear about yours at work. Work is not a place to discuss
problems with coworker or clients. This is where a journal is useful,
just so you can get it out as well as asking for a good friend to
listen, and in some cases, maybe even a counselor.
~ Do not let yourself decide you can stay home from work or not get
out of bed. You wouldn't stand by and let a friend do that so don't
let yourself feel victimized, be gentle but firm. Empowering not
enabling. Make sense? this is a fine line and this is why most of us
just don't know what to do :) we want help but don't know where to
learn.

All people suffer some sort of depression. We all have anxiety. We
are human.

If your mentality is pushing others away, making you never leave your
home, causing you NOT to work, and leading you to abuse yourself,
others or substance, reach out.... you need help. Your mental state
is stagnating and hurting your life, there is another way.

There will be times in life when we lose someone close to death, this
is also a time to reach out to a health care professional, and yes, to
be on medication for a time and learn how you are going to move
through your grief.

I find there is some confusion as to when we need help, a good focus
is, work to develop your own coping skills, talk in a journal, reach
out to another on a bad day (not a work person and someone you will be
honest with, honesty is important) and know in most cases the bad days
will pass, and yes, they sometimes last for a few weeks. If you notice
you are pushing your friends away, your self metal talk has been
viciously cruel and you have decided your are worthless, and are
possibly not able to hold down a job, reach out. If you are pushing
people away, get in your corner, put your pride in your pocket and
stand up for you enough to say, hey, I need something right now, yes,
I am feeling stupid and a little crazy but could you help me please.
Trust me, if a friend says you maybe need medication, they are not
being mean, they are saying it because they care, so sometime, listen
to those who love you.

Suicide is more common than I have ever seen it. In most cases those
around the person feel helpless because they isolate. So again, if
you know you are isolating, then be honest, reach out, only you can
help you and only you can decide you are worth it..... we already know
you are :D